September 1998

The trip to Washington has revived me somewhat, however, it has also made me homesick.  The countryside here is beautiful, with many different kinds of trees, and the hills are very nice, but it is a 2 hour trip to the seaside, and that is a bit too far.

Being here, I realize that I will never have my creativity while I am in Nebraska.  I will also never be able to perform a ritual and be able to put my full spirit into it.   Ley lines do exist, and one runs the length of the Rocky Mountains, and the Sierra Madres all the way up to Alaska, I am sure.  There is no such power in Nebraska (at least, nothing I could tap into-Mar 99).  I can only hope and pray that there is a line in Florida, and if there isn't, then I hope by Bastet's grace, a cat will offset the lack.

I have been denying myself things I truly need, trying to replace the holes with food and material things.  I need to have an animal of my own, be it cat, rat, or dog, or all three.  I need to be outside when the sun sets and the moon rises.  I need to listen to the music as I fall asleep, after bathing in a hot scented bath.  I need to live with just my husband and daughter, and no one else.  It is like the point of a pin has been pressed against my flesh.  For now, it only creates a deepening dimple, but eventually, the tip will break through and I will bleed.  I only wish I could predict when that will be.